Profound Water Connections

I am writing this blog post as an outsider. This is written in my third person account of my husband, Nathan’s experience with water, with his permission and his final edit.

Before my husband and I were married and we’d only been dating for about a year or so, we travelled to Florida together. We stayed at a beautiful hotel that had a lovely pool. Nathan was sitting on the edge of the pool and I was swimming. (Despite that we live very close to the ocean and walked the beach frequently, we never spoke much about swimming, mostly because in NH and Maine, the Atlantic is quite chilly without a wet suit most of the year.) I am a water baby, always have been and always will be. I just feel completely at home and free in the water. I asked him to come into the water, he declined and stated that he couldn’t swim. I was a bit impulsive and perhaps a bit insensitive at the time and pulled him into the 6′ or 8′ pool, I then proceeded to have to rescue him, as he sunk like a rock to the bottom and was unable to get to the surface. This was about 2006.

WHOOPS! He now tells me that he has had three near drowning experiences. 1: His dad’s friend throws him into the lake to “teach” him to swim, he nearly drowns. 2: He was with another of his dad’s friends in a canoe and the canoe tipped, he was trapped under water. 3: He became brave in a pool and ventured out into the deep end and needed to be saved by yet a third friend of his dad’s. These events all occurred around Nathan’s 5th year as a child.

WOW! It gets more interesting. Nathan’s father and grandfather were professional skin and scuba divers. They owned the local dive shop for many years. Nathan’s father died when he was 4 years old from skin cancer. His grandmother forbid him to go in the water for whatever her reasons were. And his mum is not much of a swimmer.

Nathan’s little brother, Alex was a fish! Mum could not get him out of the water, ever, much the opposite of Nathan. Alex unfortunately passed away in 2009 due to a heart condition.

We travel frequently and Nathan began to become intrigued by the water, especially the warm Caribbean waters. In 2008, in the Dominican Republic, Nathan rode a horse through the ocean and jumped waves. He began to become more interested in the Atlantic back home as well, occasionally, donning a wet suit to jump waves and play in the water, even attempting to boogie board once or twice.

I am a physical therapist and practice craniosacral therapy and somaotoemotional release with many clients including my husband. About 2 months after Alex passed away, Nathan and I found ourselves surrounded by 2 very good friends (also therapists), Gary and Jan and some other participants in a weekend seminar on attunement. We had a beautiful opportunity to work on each other in the water and used the above techniques.

It was Nathan’s turn to receive therapy. He had had many therapy sessions prior to this point and was used to the type of work, the water, however was a new element. He lied on his back in the water, comfortably supported by myself, Gary, Jan and one other therapist. He was extremely relaxed. Then he started to twist a little and his body began to unwind in the water. He did not go underwater and water was not splashing him, but he began to cough deeply. So much so, that he had to move into a seated position in the water to force the coughs out. During this process, he was able to respond from a subconscious state and was able to state that he was okay. He felt he was coughing up water. But when asked if he swallowed water, he said “no”. Water was not coming up. He then said the water is old. After this his body relaxed, he coughed lightly and relaxed again.

When he was processing the session afterwards, he explained that he felt he was coughing up water from all of his near drowning experiences when he was a boy. This was deep. This was also a therapy experience in which the client is accessing past experiences and allowing trauma to shift toward something positive.

The next day, Nathan had another session in the water. During this session, with hands supporting him at all times, his body began to roll under the water and then bog and shift, almost as if he were searching frantically for something.

Because of Nathan’s fear and his newness to therapy in the water, we frequently were checking in verbally with him. He stated that he was chasing his brother and that his brother was in the water. There was a point were after a long time of chasing, his body relaxed and he tightly clenched one of the therapists. Nathan had reconnected with Alex in the water.

In the instances of these therapy sessions, Nathan used the water as a medium to emotionally connect to his fear of water and to process loss and connect to his brother. Nathan began to trust the water.

Nathan began to kayak (even in caves), boat, tube and went white water rafting. He continued to play in the ocean and build a bond with water.

On our honeymoon, we had the opportunity, in Greece, to swim to a natural hot spring that emptied into the ocean. The water was about 40′ deep and the swim was about 100′. There was no gear on the boat or even a noodle. Nathan was unable to go on this adventure. He waited on the boat and when I returned said, “I think it’s time for me to learn to swim, so that I can experience these amazing things with you.”

Okay, now we’ve really gotten somewhere.

Our next opportunity for some swimming was a trip to Antigua and Barbuda. Nathan began to really interact with the water and swam in the pool underwater for the first time. He also swam in the ocean through the waves. He didn’t move very far or very fast, but he swam. Nathan and I love adventure and we opted for one that involved a hike over “hell’s gate”, where the atlantic meets the Caribbean. We started our day with a trip to an island called bird island, where we could swim and snorkel along the beach. it was then time for the hike. The boat moored about 50′ from hell’s gate. And out came the flippers, snorkels and masks. Ugh oh, I thought. But to my surprise, Nate said, “I’m going for it!” there was another man that was a non swimmer and they stuck together and pushed each other along. They used small waist floatation devices.Walking over hell’s gate was supposed to be the conquest, but for Nathan, it was certainly the swim out! After the hike, we had the chance to snorkel if we chose in the reef and he stuck it out of that too! After this he became more confident and was in the water everyday of that trip and when we went home, he was the one encouraging me to head to the beach!

Here we are in june 2012… Since then, Nate has been swimming and playing in the water more and more. Our snorkeling experience in Antigua was really a lot of playing and trial and error, but we didn’t have any real skills. Our friends, Gary and Jan, once again encouraged us to try it with them one day. We realized this was a beautiful way to connect with the water.

We decided on a whim to go into Atlantic Aquasports in Rye to get some snorkel equipment before our trip to Tortola. Turns out this shop is owned by the diver that Nathan’s grandfather mentored back in the 1960s. We knew this going into the shop, but weren’t sure what we might be getting ourselves into. Donny knew exactly who Nathan was after a brief, “hello, I’m Nathan”. The connection was immediate and clearly ran very deep.

He fit us for equipment and got us into his Onsite pool for a lesson. He has Nathan snorkeling around the pool successfully within 10 minutes. I was skin diving in about the same.

We went to the ocean to practice 3 or 4 times prior to our next lesson. We had a great time breathing like whales and dolphins and playing in the waves for hours. On our last practice session, we snorkeled along the beach a good distance and then went above some of the rocks. All of a sudden, I see Nathan with his butt up in the air head down, diving or drowning. I wasn’t sure. It took me about 30 seconds to process that my husband, who not that long ago was afraid of water, was now skin diving without hesitation! And he loved it!

We went back to Donny’s shop for our next lesson and Nathan showed off his hard work and even went through the underwater rings a few times. He is comfortable now skin diving but wants to move deeper…

Today, in Tortola, we swam with dolphins, for the fifth time, and Nathan looked right at home. He also snorkeled over reefs with sand 40′ below, seeing a shark, several barracuda, sting rays and lots of other sea creatures! He even swam in the rough break water. All the while, not missing a beat! What an amazing week of finning and connecting so deeply with the water and sea life!

This gift of a connection to his brother, grandfather, and dad on a conscious and non conscious level is palpable and something he has been seeking for so long. His water journey is a beautiful one and is continuing to grow and evolve!

I am so fortunate to have observed and to have participated in this beautiful process!